Do you have friends? Do you have family? Do you lead a team? Do you relate with people? How do you harmonize your relationships?

How are your relationships impacting your well-being and performance? Positively or negatively?

Relationships are a significant aspect of our human life and influences our ability to embrace and enjoy harmony of life.

 

What is Life Harmony?

I define Life Harmony simply as the ability to live in a way that allows you thrive in all 6 areas of your life. Relationships is one of my 6 Life Harmony categories. My Life Harmony thinking is established on 3 pillars:

  1. Accountability: Being able to physically, mentally and spiritually justify your decisions, interactions and actions. To evaluate and track progress across your life harmony wheel.
  2. Responsibility: Having a good sense of control and judgement over your life and the lives of others. Specifying and observing responsibilities and roles.
  3. Intentionality: Establishing the purpose, priorities, plans and principles behind every intention and action, in order to reach a desired outcome.

Why Relationships?

Relationships impact our overall quality of life, whether we are obvious of the fact or not. As a Productivity Consultant and Performance Coach, I’ve come across questions related to dealing with relationship burnout. I always tell my clients that I believe our relationships should empower, not exhaust us.

There’s scientific proof that relationship stress drains us physically, emotionally and even mentally. For personal and professional development, we need clarity of relationships and that’s what this article is about.

 

My Relationship Findings.

After several questions from my clients who happen to be business leaders, I embarked on a research. I realized that many relationship issues are as a result of the lack of knowledge, clarity and discernment. Many leaders – like my clients and I used to be -, struggle with a low relational quotient and are constantly seeking clarity in relationships. I wanted to help myself and other leaders create a more harmonious tone for every single relationship they’re engaged with, so I got to work. Though not a relationship expert, I’m passionate about helping my clients enjoy clarity, focus and fulfillment. This was the motivation to get them a solution. What I discovered and developed has helped my clients and even myself become more empowered and equipped in our relationships.

 

I came up with a model called the Life Harmony Relationship Model. This model is helping my clients harmonize their relationships entirely and become more relationally smart. It will help you observe your behavior and the dynamics in a relationship journey in order to equip you for a smooth and safe ride. It’s a universal model and can be applied to all forms of relationship. To embark on a new relationship with someone, use the different stages in this model to evaluate the level of conversations, interactions and engagement. To accomplish this, you must understand the factors that support each stage on your relationship journey. You must also establish layover points after each stage, before progressing to the next. To become an effective and relationally intelligent leader, you and your people need to grasp this model.

 

In each stage, the people in the relationship must demonstrate the factors that support that stage for progress to be effective. If the person you’re relating with understands this model, you’ll both be clearer and more discerning on the journey. This model will force you to review your emotional intelligence and help you become a better decision maker as you interact with people generally.

 

Many people venture into this lifelong journey of relationships only with their feelings. This model helps you find a balance between knowledge-based and feelings-based decisions. Primarily, let your knowledge, not your emotions, dictate your decisions in relationships. The power is in the knowing.

Understanding The Relationship Journey (C-C-A-F-C-C).

One of my clients called it the theory of the evolution of relationships. Another one said that this is the strategy for building magical relationships.

This is a 3-way Model. The STAGES can also be seen as CATEGORIES and as HIERARCHIES of relationships.

There’ll always be people who make up your contact, connection, allyship, friendship, companionship and covenantal list throughout your life’s journey. With each stage, category or hierarchy of relationship, remember to be intentional, accountable and responsible with your resources by being clear and discerning.

 

STAGE 1: CONTACT

Relationship based on interaction and typically for exchanging information. Someone you interact with typically in order to give or receive specific information. Think of people you may engage with occasionaly. The factor that supports this phase is PERCEPTION: getting to know and understand this person. This means you must establish the know feature before moving to the next stage.

 

STAGE 2: CONNECTION

Relationship based on a natural liking for or shared interest with someone. A connection is someone who strikes a natural liking within you, with whom you have something in common such as similarity of character, interest, or point of attraction. Think of people you work and interact with regularly. The factor that supports this phase is APPRECIATION. If you don’t like this person, their character and their other features, it is unhealthy to move to the next phase. Many of the people we consider being in a friendship relationship with, are simply contacts or connections.

 

STAGE 3: ALLYSHIP

Relationship based on giving and receiving of support and building consistency, accountability and appreciation. An ally is a supporter, role model, a person you’re involved with and supportive of. Think of people who may become business partners with you.  Beyond the liking and appreciation in phase 2, the factor that supports this phase is ADMIRATION or approval. Do you respect, cherish and approve of this person, their peculiarities, preferences and priorities? Do they respect cherish and approve of you? This is a significant phase in your relationship journey. Use your senses and higher faculties to measure the quality of character before approving of this person. You must establish the approval feature in order to proceed.

 

STAGE 4: FRIENDSHIP

Relationship based on a bond of mutual affection and strong admiration not related to sexual or family ties.  A friend is a person you know very well and who you have a good measure of confidence in. Think of people who may become your peer mentors, senior advisors or long-term coaches. A friend is a confidant, a supporter and many other great things. The factor that supports this phase is CONFIDENCE. This means you must ensure you’ve developed trust and faith in this person before proceeding.

 

STAGE 5: COMPANIONSHIP

Relationship built on shared company, emotional partnership, romantic engagement and deep compassionate feelings. A companion is a person who spends the most of their time (physically and otherwise) with you in order to further strengthen the bond of friendship. This is like what some people call a “ride or die” relationship. If you’re looking to get more emotionally involved with someone in a relationship that could end in marriage, this an important stage. The factor that supports this phase is COMPANY. Do you enjoy their prolonged company? Have you bonded deeply with this person regardless of the absence of sexual intimacy? If not, you must answer these questions before moving on. I must mention that sexual affiliations can mess up our sense of judgement at the 1-5 phases of relationships. This is the reason many cultures, religions and societies promote sexual abstinence till you progress to the last phase.

 

STAGE 6: COVENANTAL

Relationship involving obligations to a person established on a formal, solemn or binding agreement and contractual terms. Also known as a commitment relationship because you’re responsible for the person. Example is a family relationship (Spousal and Parental). The factor that supports this phase is COMMITMENT. Now, you must be willing to devote yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) and resources to this relationship to help it thrive alongside you.

 

In conclusion, please understand that for a relationship to progress from one phase to the next, you must nurture it and allow it grow. Additionally, here’s one truth we often don’t quickly accept with relationships: They may die natural or sudden deaths. Don’t waste your life resources on relationships that have died or and don’t struggle trying to progress failed relationships. A poor relationship decision today can cost you so much tomorrow. Be Smart! Use the different stages and factors to manage expectations, determine the different levels of interaction, engagement, attachment and commitment and to understand when to detach.

 

Need to explore my Life Harmony Coaching benefits, Schedule a 30-minute FREE Strategy Session here

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Want to make a little investment in a lifetime of clarity, coordination, focus, freedom and fulfillment?

Take my Life Harmony Boot-Camp for just $85. It’s a 5-Day mini intensive training for business leaders who need to ditch confusion, chaos, stress, anxiety and burnout.

Join the Life Harmony Boot-Camp here

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To Life Harmony,